Random Thoughts
and
Loose Missions

so i woke up today to my mother telling me that she thinks i need to suck it up and go home to the S.O.

i hate this crap

i am so sad right now... i feel like crying myself back to sleep

while he and i were together we (mostly him because he never paid what he SAID he paid) managed to run up quite a few bills for ourselves... now i have left him and i am trying my best to play the catch-up game on said debts... anyway... mom has been trying to help me, but now she is upset about it all and thinks i need to go home to him to get him to help me with all this mess...

here's the problem:

1. i do NOT want to be there

2. going "home" for the sake of getting financial help does NOTHING but make me feel like a honest-to-goodness whore... i mean really... go give him some ass... he will pay some bills... sex ---> money = WHORE (right???)

3. she is crying... this makes me feel like TOTAL SHIT... i HATE this

i have no idea what to do... i am utterly heartbroken right about now

and now i have to go to work... what a great way to start a day, huh?