Random Thoughts
and
Loose Missions

do you have ANY idea how it makes me feel to watch you flirt with someone else? or even just to HEAR about it?

i don't think you do because i can NOT allow myself to believe you would say and do the things you do in my presence if you knew...

it KILLS me... just so you know... every single time you say "so-and-so was hitting on me" or "you don't have to go, i can always call *insert name here*" i die a little inside..

i will admit this feeling is partly due to plain old jealousy... but so much more of it is because NOBODY wants to be second best... i know i sure don't anyway.

i want you to want me... PERIOD. i don't want you to want me because someone else doesn't want you, or because you are too scared to try for what you really want, or whatever else it is that is keeping you from the "hers" of the world...

i just want you to want to be with me because you REALLY WANT TO... that is all... nothing else... JUST THAT...

it's fine if you don't... seriously. i can take it... you were my friend first, and you will be my friend forever... no bullshit involved. i can't promise you i will be all smiles about the situation... or that i will even like it, but i can promise you that when it's all said and done that i will still be your friend...

anyway (and i'm talking here like you will EVER read this LOL)... take your pick... not trying to give you any ultimatums or make any demands... just saying choose... if you like me, well, then that is WONDERFUL... and if you don't... well... i will live...

but i will NOT be the girl you settle for... there are a million reasons that ANYONE in their right mind would fall madly in love with me over and over and over... i was hoping that would be you, but i will be okay if it isn't...

just do what it is that makes you happy... whatever that may be... and good luck... i mean that, too... i hope you find someone (even if it isn't me) that makes your stomach flip the way you do mine... it's a great feeling... hopefully one day i will be the one you choose to feel it for

all my love for all of your days,

-me-