Random Thoughts
and
Loose Missions

I wish I knew what to do… I can’t sleep anymore.. I can’t eat… I feel nauseous half the time (if not more)… I am just sick of everything…

I am tired of feeling like a bad person… I am tired of being discontent and feeling edgy all the time… I used to laugh… I used to smile… I used to be the one who cheered others up… now it seems that everyone is constantly trying to cheer ME up…

It’s getting really old..

I want to go back… I want someone… ANYONE… to just reach out and hit “rewind”

I want to remember what it was like to sleep all night and NOT wake up feeling worse than when I closed my eyes…

I want to laugh again… I want my cheeks to hurt and my stomach to ache from so much hilarity I can’t stand another minute…

I want to be happy… plain and simple…

I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this… like I said… it’s getting REALLY old, REALLY quickly

i am so tired of bad days... i needed him to be there tonight to talk to me.. and he wasn't... it makes me so sad...

i was just SURE he was different... i just KNEW he would always be there when i needed him... but, just like every time and every one before him.... he wasn't

he only wants me when i am smiling... he doesn't want to talk to me when i am not working on making HIM happy...

i truly do not get it... i spend 99.9% of my time with him trying to make him feel special and wanted and happy and all that stuff... so why is it so much to ask that he do the same for me the other .01% of the time?

i will never be happy i think... i have come to the conclusion that i just expect too much from others... i am looking for someone that is like me... yet not like me... how crazy does that make me sound?

i want someone who treats me like i try to treat others... like they are the only ones in the room... yet i want someone who also has his own personality and his own humor and his own life...

i am beginning to think this is all just a pipe dream

i quit...

seriously i do...

i hate that tonight went like it did... i want so badly to be able to be with you... no matter what... no matter where...

i hope that you know how much i loved having you visit... and i hope you know how much i love you

i promise... i will fix this soon

all my love... for all of your days...

here we are
what is left of a husband and a wife
two lost kids
who have a way
of gettin on with their lives

and i'm not old
but i'm gettin a whole lot older every day
it's too late to keep from going crazy
i've got to get away

the reasons that i can't stay don't have a thing to do with bein in love
i understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough
and you ain't the only one who feels like this world left you far behind
i don't know why you've gotta be angry all the time

our boys are strong
the spittin image of you when you were young
i hope someday they can see past what you have become
and i remember every time i said i'd never leave
what i can't live with is memories of the way you used to be

the reasons that i can't stay don't have a thing to do with bein in love
i understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough
and you ain't the only one who feels like this world left you far behind
i don't know why you've gotta be angry all the time

twenty years have came and went since i walked out of your door
i never quite made it back to the one i was before
and God it hurts me to think of you
before the light in your eyes was gone
sometimes i don't know why this old world can't leave well enough alone

the reasons that i can't stay don't have a thing to do with bein in love
i understand that loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough
and you ain't the only one who feels like this world left you far behind
i don't know why you've gotta be angry all the time

-tim mcgraw-