Random Thoughts
and
Loose Missions

Well, i made it through the dark days (obviously)...

Things are feeling a little better, but I'm still not back to me fully. I am working on it though. I just think I have so much in my heart and head that needs to be addressed. I can't seem to wrap my brain around all that's gone on in the last decade. I don't know who to love... and I don't know who really loves me any more.

A part of me actually misses the SO so much these days. He's being so kind and so sweet to me... and it reminds me of the friend I used to have in him. I can see that happiness creeping back into his face again, and I love the way he smiles now. My biggest fear is that I will somehow make him lose that light. I still feel that I was the cause of its disappearance in the first place. I know his addictions played a huge role, but I can't help but feel that I hurt far more than I ever helped. I just wish there was some way to know which move to make next.

I don't want to hurt any more... and I don't want to be hurt...

Why does life have to be so damn confusing????